I have certain ideas about the work I do...
- I don’t tell you what to eat - I presume you know, especially if you’ve been on a few diets, I promote building self trust to choose what you and your body wants, including overeating sometimes if it is an informed choice and not consumed with angst; this is not a weight loss goal driven programme as that can distract, especially at the beginning. I recognise this as a strong force but ask clients to send that one on holiday for a bit.
- I practice size neutrality, without judgement, we don’t know where someone has been or how they are feeling, nothing is a problem unless it’s a problem to that person.
But right now I am going to go against my values and disclose something I rarely talk about...my own size. Okay I am going to say it, I made a vow not to do comparisons; before and after pictures because they stink of an undercurrent that being fat is not good, and not good enough. But I want to go back to the beginning for a minute, before I did this work and for the purposes of naysayers, as I used to be one too. There was a time when wanted to be slim above anything, it consumed my every waking moment, I was so self conscious of my body and hated myself. I used to look at new diets and methods, see the photo and think,
“This stuff must really work, cos look at how much weight they lost, I want a bit of that pie!”
So with that in mind, if weight loss is still at the forefront of your mind reading this, I will share with you that have dropped quite a few dress sizes because of the techniques in my programme. Some still may not call me 'thin' but I am who I am and choose what I and my body wants to eat and that is that. At each step of the way, I have stayed true to myself, accepted who I am and dealt with my body and issues with kindness. And the weight I have lost has not gone back on as quickly as it came off, which was the usual pattern.
Once losing over 3 stone would have been the ‘thinspiration dream’. I had lost weight and that was always my focus but now that doesn’t even seem that important because the real loss was a lot more..what I lost was my gain.
What I have gained:-
- no longer being paranoid and self conscious about my body
- no longer bitching to myself
- no longer hating myself, replaced by honour
- no longer self-sabotaging by going back to binging and living a double life - a smile on the outside but raging inside
- no longer being out of control around food and albeit a cliche, this is the biggest prize.
- I have truly achieved my goal of not wanting to get to the end of my life, look back and say, I have spent every waking moment looking in the mirror and saying to myself, “I hate my body, I hate my life and I hate myself”.
I do have moments where the old me creeps back but it is very rare and I now have the coping strategies to realise that I am bothered by and responding to something else. So when I have gone for that biscuit or eaten quickly, I ask myself, "What was that all about." And the answer is always clear and is never something food can fix.